Weekend

It was a very long weekend for me. I'm having some family problems at home, completely brought on by the fact that I can not make any decisions on my own. Everything I do is wrong. It's never enough. 

I moved back in with my mom and step dad almost a year ago, and have two jobs.

It recently occurred to me that whilst I do work two jobs - they are both still considered to be part time jobs. (I work 4 days at the ho-tel and 2 days at the hospice)

Now, with Obamamamacare I'll be forced to purchase insurance through my full time job.

Oh shit, well I don't have one of those! 

I work my ass off working two jobs, but none are considered "full time." So what's a girl to do?

I've given a lot of thought, and of course, something has got to give. That something being a job!

I am a now person. If I make a decision I make it NOW. I don't wait three weeks and "see how it goes" or whatever. I was promised maybe the opportunity of full time at the hospice, and well now I know that was a crock of shit fed to me.

So, I made a decision. I quit the hospice center. This weekend will be my last week, thank the LORD above. 

Now, while I am all happy with my personal decision to not be talked down upon, taken for granted, made fun of for the clothes that I wore (I wore my hotel outfit one day and two different people commented on it) and the best part about it all? NO MORE HEALTH CARE FIELD. 

I know I want nothing to do with the idiot doctors and nurses out there. Granted, not all of you are idiots but a good 97.3 percent of you all are. 

On top of gaining a bit of freedom - I am happy to think about the time I now have to do stuff. 

My mom has been on a rampage of everything that I do wrong - including actually telling me that I don't spend enough time with my daughter. 

Well. 

Mom.

Weren't you the one who told me to get two jobs? I did that.

Working two jobs - yes, I am left with no spare time to be with Skyleigh. I pay for a babysitter - and most of the time (if I have the day off or something) Skyleigh will spend a vast majority of the day at Shelly's. I pay for the babysitting service, so she is going to sit my baby. 

One big hitch with the second job was my mom and babysitting help. Shelly can't watch Skyleigh on the weekends - and so my mom agreed to watch her (Since the hospice only worked me on the weekends). That was fine and dandy, but my step dad's little comments here and there got old quickly. 

Skyleigh was asleep, and I was going to go over to my friends house. My mom and step dad have both said this is okay, ONCE SHE IS ASLEEP. Well, so I start getting ready - and then my step dad chimes in - and I quote - "No one can make bottles."

? What ?

Did your hands fall off?

Fingers broken? 

Arthritis acting up? 

So, I did what any girl would do. 

I threw a fit and cleaned. I didn't go out. 

I even made 4 bottles and put them in the fridge, you know, in case he forgotten how to twist a top onto a bottle. 

But when I throw fits, it's silent but deadly fits. I will be mute for days and days, hours and hours, and not even look at you. Everything becomes a mission on how to clean it. How can I get in YOUR way, while you watch TV and be lazy, to clean. 

It's just stupid. I am so sick and tired of walking on eggshells in my own house, afraid of how someone will react to anything I say, or do. 

I quit a two day a week PART TIME JOB, and you'd think the world was going to end. 

I have another job, a damn fantastic one that I love. 

I hated the hospice. Yes, it was my kinda thing being in the dead zone, because death isn't something I am afraid of. I am so used to death it's scary. But also sitting there all day all I could do was think about the people I have lost. And I have lost a lot of people. 

So here I am. 

Back to one job. 4 days a week. 

Happy.

I know that working two jobs was straining me. I'm losing weight (but gained almost 7 pounds of it back) and my hair is still falling out. Like I've mentioned before I'm stressed beyond belief. My mom talks to me like a 5 year old, and while I do thank her for her opinions in how to raise Skyleigh - but I have to do it on my own. 

It's like I can't even be a mother, because my own mom is right there. I enjoy my mom's help, and am so thankful for her, but I get tired of being talked to like a 5 year old. 

It's just annoying to do SO MUCH and it's like, for what? We don't focus on the fact that I worked two jobs, took care of Skyleigh, did all this, cleaned, made your dinner every night I was home. 

All we can focus on is that I no longer have a fucking weekend job. 

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Another issue around the house is the small living room remodeling we have going on right now. 


And when I say small, I mean it started out small and has just escalated into a huge ordeal. 

It started because the air conditioner leaked water into the hallway. We had to take the hallway carpet up. 

Rob and my mom were arguing one day, and Rob was having a tantrum and ripped part of the living room carpet up. Then It all came up. Now we are re-doing walls, painting, and all this other stuff. We got a new french doors back door as well, that I LOVE! 

We are getting bamboo floors which will look great once they are in. 


I will post pictures soon. 


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That's really about it. Just surviving through the weekend! 


Just a lot of stuff going on. Hopefully now that I have it typed it I feel a bit better. 


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