Top 9 Ways Kids will Ruin Going to the Movies
Some people think kids ruin everything. They are definitely wrong about that. Unless they’re talking about movies, at which they’re awful.
9. Constantly asks “What’s happening now?” as it’s happening now.
8. Will throw a fit when the theater’s snack counter doesn’t have crustless PB&J.
7. Wants to leave early. (I mean, come ON, we’ve stayed this long and I kind of need to know if that dolphin gets back to the ocean okay?!)
6. Demands you sit front row center, down in the Neck Cramp section.
5. Discovers that circular pieces of candy will roll for many hundreds of foot down a sloped floor. Tests repeatedly.
4. Celebrates beginning of movie by shouting “I NEED TO PEEEEEEEEE!”
3. Complains when you can’t pause it.
2. Seems to be screaming in terror an awful lot for a Winnie the Pooh movie.
1. Cries when the movie ends, when the movie starts and sometime during the middle.
9. I mean, who wants to miss Kimmel?
8. It’s really difficult to text while unconscious.
7. Ditto Facebook.
6. Much easier to hallucinate when sleep-deprived.
5. If you’re going for that hip-bedhead look they have hair gels for that now.
4. Thomas Edison got fewer than 5 hours per night. Snooki gets 11. So it doesn’t even work.
3. No matter how hard you try to fall asleep thinking “Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman,” your dreams usually involve your fifth-grade teacher at a car wash.
2. The likelihood of cartoon ZZZZZZZZZZs emerging from your mouth is very low.
1. Why? You’re just gonna be up in 20 minutes anyway. Top 9 Signs your children are displeased with your parenting.
9. You ask if you can friend them on Facebook, and they say they’ve “never heard of it.”
8. Daughter writes her college essay on the most influential person in her life: Her therapist.
7. Son’s “MOM” tattoo has an asterisk and a footnote that reads “tried her best.”
6. Your toddler has started preparing her stuffed animals for the rebellion.
5. Grown son writes a series of songs chronicling your flaws and threatening to murder you. (Note: Eminem’s Mom only)
4. You ask your 3-year-old, “How much do you love Mommy?” and she responds, “Relative to what?”
3. Your Mother’s Day card has this weird white powder.
2. Everyone seems to know about this @horriblemother Twitter account but you.
1. There’s a bouncer stationed in front of your daughter’s bedroom door, and you’re not on the list.
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