Love.

Random Love Blog;






Love. Such a simple word. Four letters. 


I love you.


Love is a funny thing. So many definitions of the word; yet it all comes down to one thing. 


Love is a feeling. A desire. A smile. A want. It can be anything! 


My sense of love might be a little more obscure than other peoples. 


I have never been in love before. Sure I love my parents, and I love my daughter, but I have never been IN LOVE. I have made myself believe I was in love with someone, and he fooled me pretty good good. 


The one person I love, I can not give up on. I can't let go. I don't know why it is so hard to move on, but it seems impossible. Other ex-boyfriends I have been able to get over. But you? You are still there, in the back of my mind. Everyday. For the past 6 years. 


Funny how you can think about someone daily, numerous times a day. Funny how you brain can work things around and make you think otherwise. Funny how the person I love, lives 8 hours away. 


The man I love does not love me. 


It's very hard to accept that fact. Why doesn't he love me? Why won't he love me? He used to love me... Etc. Many questions can be asked, and many hours can be lost thinking about it. 


Bottom line, in my case, is we live to far away. Two different states. We have wanted to do a long-distance thing, but it's harder than I ever imagined to do that. All I can sit here and do is get insainly jealous when some girl pits pictures on Facebook of you. 


That used to be me. I used to do that. And now you move from me to her. 


You love someone else. 


(No, my dear. You love her because she is there. She is closer.)


I may have messed up the one relationship I really wanted. The one I would have worked for. 


Scratch that. I know I have messed it up. But people forgive, and move on.


I knew the second you stopped caring that it was over. 


Does it not matter to you that I would pack up everything I own and move out there? It's obvious you are not going to take the step and come here. Oh well, you'd have to actually care about me first. You'd have to take me seriously.


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I find it so hard to wrap myself around the fact that there is someone out there who actually wants to be with me. With little ole me. I know someone can make me happy, and bla blah, but to look at a guy and picture myself with him FOREVER? I don't see it. I'm almost 30. 


I picture my wedding in my head. I smile at my future husband standing up at the alter. I can never see his face. 


I wish it was your face. 


Everyday. Everytime.


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I wish I could call you anytime I wanted. 


I wish I could just feel wanted. 


I wish I could know what love feels like. 


I wish I could get married.


I wish I could get over you.


I wish I could meet a guy who likes ME. Not just what he can "get out of me."


I wish I had you. 


My wish will never come true.