Weekend

It was a very long weekend for me. I'm having some family problems at home, completely brought on by the fact that I can not make any decisions on my own. Everything I do is wrong. It's never enough. 

I moved back in with my mom and step dad almost a year ago, and have two jobs.

It recently occurred to me that whilst I do work two jobs - they are both still considered to be part time jobs. (I work 4 days at the ho-tel and 2 days at the hospice)

Now, with Obamamamacare I'll be forced to purchase insurance through my full time job.

Oh shit, well I don't have one of those! 

I work my ass off working two jobs, but none are considered "full time." So what's a girl to do?

I've given a lot of thought, and of course, something has got to give. That something being a job!

I am a now person. If I make a decision I make it NOW. I don't wait three weeks and "see how it goes" or whatever. I was promised maybe the opportunity of full time at the hospice, and well now I know that was a crock of shit fed to me.

So, I made a decision. I quit the hospice center. This weekend will be my last week, thank the LORD above. 

Now, while I am all happy with my personal decision to not be talked down upon, taken for granted, made fun of for the clothes that I wore (I wore my hotel outfit one day and two different people commented on it) and the best part about it all? NO MORE HEALTH CARE FIELD. 

I know I want nothing to do with the idiot doctors and nurses out there. Granted, not all of you are idiots but a good 97.3 percent of you all are. 

On top of gaining a bit of freedom - I am happy to think about the time I now have to do stuff. 

My mom has been on a rampage of everything that I do wrong - including actually telling me that I don't spend enough time with my daughter. 

Well. 

Mom.

Weren't you the one who told me to get two jobs? I did that.

Working two jobs - yes, I am left with no spare time to be with Skyleigh. I pay for a babysitter - and most of the time (if I have the day off or something) Skyleigh will spend a vast majority of the day at Shelly's. I pay for the babysitting service, so she is going to sit my baby. 

One big hitch with the second job was my mom and babysitting help. Shelly can't watch Skyleigh on the weekends - and so my mom agreed to watch her (Since the hospice only worked me on the weekends). That was fine and dandy, but my step dad's little comments here and there got old quickly. 

Skyleigh was asleep, and I was going to go over to my friends house. My mom and step dad have both said this is okay, ONCE SHE IS ASLEEP. Well, so I start getting ready - and then my step dad chimes in - and I quote - "No one can make bottles."

? What ?

Did your hands fall off?

Fingers broken? 

Arthritis acting up? 

So, I did what any girl would do. 

I threw a fit and cleaned. I didn't go out. 

I even made 4 bottles and put them in the fridge, you know, in case he forgotten how to twist a top onto a bottle. 

But when I throw fits, it's silent but deadly fits. I will be mute for days and days, hours and hours, and not even look at you. Everything becomes a mission on how to clean it. How can I get in YOUR way, while you watch TV and be lazy, to clean. 

It's just stupid. I am so sick and tired of walking on eggshells in my own house, afraid of how someone will react to anything I say, or do. 

I quit a two day a week PART TIME JOB, and you'd think the world was going to end. 

I have another job, a damn fantastic one that I love. 

I hated the hospice. Yes, it was my kinda thing being in the dead zone, because death isn't something I am afraid of. I am so used to death it's scary. But also sitting there all day all I could do was think about the people I have lost. And I have lost a lot of people. 

So here I am. 

Back to one job. 4 days a week. 

Happy.

I know that working two jobs was straining me. I'm losing weight (but gained almost 7 pounds of it back) and my hair is still falling out. Like I've mentioned before I'm stressed beyond belief. My mom talks to me like a 5 year old, and while I do thank her for her opinions in how to raise Skyleigh - but I have to do it on my own. 

It's like I can't even be a mother, because my own mom is right there. I enjoy my mom's help, and am so thankful for her, but I get tired of being talked to like a 5 year old. 

It's just annoying to do SO MUCH and it's like, for what? We don't focus on the fact that I worked two jobs, took care of Skyleigh, did all this, cleaned, made your dinner every night I was home. 

All we can focus on is that I no longer have a fucking weekend job. 

___

Another issue around the house is the small living room remodeling we have going on right now. 


And when I say small, I mean it started out small and has just escalated into a huge ordeal. 

It started because the air conditioner leaked water into the hallway. We had to take the hallway carpet up. 

Rob and my mom were arguing one day, and Rob was having a tantrum and ripped part of the living room carpet up. Then It all came up. Now we are re-doing walls, painting, and all this other stuff. We got a new french doors back door as well, that I LOVE! 

We are getting bamboo floors which will look great once they are in. 


I will post pictures soon. 


___


That's really about it. Just surviving through the weekend! 


Just a lot of stuff going on. Hopefully now that I have it typed it I feel a bit better. 


___

Eye Candy!

I was born with a cataract.

The dictionary defines a cataract is a clouding of the lens of the eye. This is all well and true. 

My parents didn't figure out that I had a cataract until I was about 2 years old. 

 

This is the youngest picture of myself I could find, and my cataract was in my right eye. You can see a tad bit of cloudiness, but I understand the flash is there as well.

I had corrective surgery when I was 4, receiving a donor lens. The lens did not work, but changed my eye color. (I have one blue eye and one green eye naturally. I was born with blue eyes.) My eye color changed probably when I was about 9. 

When I was 8 years old, I was instructed to wear a patch. The goal was to cover up my good eye with a patch, leaving me to see (nothing) with the other one. I hated every minute of this. I remember peeling back the inside, then "peeking" as my mom would say. She'd yell, "No peeking!" and I'd have to close the patch back against my skin. I would sit on my rocking horse and rock for the amount of time I had to be in that patch.

Everything was fine until I turned 16, and was able to drive. 

I will never forget the idiot woman at the DMV. I had already attended my drivers ed classes, passed, been driving for a few months, and was there to take my picture! 

She has me do the eye test, so she has me read the first line. Alright, I can do that. Now, what they dont tell you, is why you are saying the letters, they switch it over to the other eye. So my screen goes black, and I looked at this woman and said, "Oh you are going to have to switch it back. I can't see out of this eye, and I'll just read a few more lines." Thinking that would be okay. 

OH NO. You'd have thought this woman had seen a ghost. 

A girl, who can't see out of an eye? She had never heard of such thing!!!! 

Asks me to go to a eye doctor, and get him to write down that I can not see out of said eye. 

So I was pissed. I hadn't been to an eye doctor in YEARS, and I'm running around town trying to find an eye doctor who can simply just write "Blind in right eye." 

I ended up going to the mall (16 year old thought process, haha), and went to the LensCrafters. I explained the situation, showed him my pretty 'I have a donor lens" card, and he agreed to help me out. 

He "eye tested" both of my eyes, and wrote whatever this lady needed down. 

I go back to the DMV. Same lady. I get up there and she wants me to take the eye test AGAIN. 

Exact same thing. "Ma'am, can you switch it back...etc." 

So, before she starts in on she needs a doctors note, i wave this stupid piece of paper and my state hospital issued card.

"Please read the bottom line." 

It's the tiniest line of letters, but I read it. I have IMPECCABLE vision, superhuman even, in my left eye. "My Superman eye." my mom calls it.

Finally, I got the damn picture taken. Beautiful perfect picture! 

___

During High School, classmates actually made fun of me because I had two different eye colors. I even wore contacts to make them the same color.  They would say I didn't really have a cataract, only old people have cataracts, whatever you can think of, they said it.

Everyone knew I couldn't see out of the eye, some people probably thought it was a fake or glass eye. 

Nope, all my eye people. Just a dead dudes LENS. That's "inside" the eye. See, if you would have paid attention in school.... you'd know this :)

I took this picture right out of high school, and it is one of the few (pictures) that actually shows the color difference. Most people don't know I'm legally blind in my right eye. When I tell them it's always, "Oh Yeah now I see the color difference!" 

I did brighten the color up just a tad in the picture.

Also, a cool tid-bit about my cataract.... my eyes are always dilated differently. Right one is smaller than the left one. Always will be. 

And that's my fun story of my cataract!

100 Random Questions

100 Random Questions

Phew! Enjoy.

1. How old will you be in five years?
32. Whew.

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
My Daughter, Skyleigh.

3. How tall are you?
5′9"

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
The pool being ready, work, life, Skyleigh, making money, saving said money.

5. What’s the last movie you saw?
Footloose, the new one.

6. Who was the last person you called?
Rena - a work issue.

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Rena, lol

8. What was the last text message you received?
Cory

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?

My dad

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Depends on the context. Call to chat, text to get something over with quickly.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Asleep, sound asleep!

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
I am single.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
About 6 hours ago. At home.

14. What color are your eyes?
One is blue and one green, naturally. I had a cataract when I was born, got a donor lens (that didn't work) when I was 4, and it just turned my eye color green!

15. What time did you wake up today?
About 8:45 am.

16. What are you wearing right now?
Brown Pants, a white/green striped blouse, and my grey boyfriend sweater. <3

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Carol Of The Bells / Anything by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
Sitting with friends and/or family, having good conversations or watching good tv.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Somewhere dark and creepy...

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Probably London, but maybe Pompeii, Italy

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Married to the man I love, hopefully!

22. Do you tan or burn?
I normally burn first and am then a light tan.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Nothing really. Darkness out of my closet?

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Something at work, I am sure. Or Skyleigh, she kinda makes me laugh everyday! <3

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
3.

26. How big is your bed?
It is a queen sized bed.

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
I have neither, but am currently using my work computer. I had a laptop, but had to trade it in for rent money with my mom, who then basically ruined it (but yet somehow blames it on me!)

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

On

29. What color are your sheets?
Pink or white.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Two pillows under the head, then one in between the knees

31. What is your favorite season?
Autumn

32. What do you like about fall?
Changing colors, falling temperatures, making stews

33. What do you like about winter?
Snow angels, making a fire, sledding

34. What do you like about the summer?
Swimming in my pool, going to the zoo

35. What do you like about spring?
flowers!!! Thunderstorms :D

36. How many states provinces have you lived in?
Two - Georgia and Texas. (Georgia for like, 9 months.)

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Smyrna, Georgia / Arlington, Texas /Fort Worth, Texas

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
I prefer to be barefooted.

39. Are you a social person?
Most of the time

40. What was the last thing you ate?
red baron pizza

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Cafe Pulidos, or IHOP haha

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
This strawberry Cheesecake stuff, omg. So yum.

43. What is your favorite dessert?
Banana Pudding

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
French Onion

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
grape

46. Do you like Chinese food?
Most of it, yes. I like buffets of Chinese food!

47. Do you like coffee?
Definitely not.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
Five or six

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Water, or Orange Juice.

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
My CVS Card. Other than that, my DL.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Middle, or left.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
Ha, no.

53. Do you like to cuddle?
most of the time

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
Nope

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Yes I believe so

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
At home. But for a long time, it was out.

57. What do you miss about high school, if anything?
Nothing.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Not the exact same, as in year. But Chelsea Clinton, Josh Groban, and Jenni-Wow or whoever from Jersey Shore all share my birthday!

59. Do you want kids?
Considering how I already have a daughter, I'll go with yes.

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Uh, no.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
No (knock on wood)

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yes, I've ridden WITH someone IN an ambulance.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
I love the beach but I feel safer in a pool. Too many bugs and animals out there!

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?

Window! I wanna see the scenery! God's Green Earth!

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
Yes I do!

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Skyleigh.

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
My mother's Rainbow Girl Ring she got when she was 13, I have worn since I was 12. I never take it off!

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Big Bang, Mike and Molly, Ridiculousness, 16 & Pregnant (haha), The Talk, Ellen!

69. Can you roll your tongue?
I can try.

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
Myself

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Nope.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
It's the basic phone ringtone. I didn't ever get anything super fancy.

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
My dad does, they are at his house. I wouldn't put them on Skyleigh, she'd just ruin them at her age. I did save a few things for her to wear in her HS years! Some pants too haha

74. What red object is closest to you right now?

Red Marker, or Red writing

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
Nope

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I stay at my mom's right now, and they are (forced) open. So, open. It would depend though.

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Bear, I can attempt to outrun a bear.

78. Do you flirt a lot?
Yes. Never act, just always flirt. A big fat tease. Suck it boys.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Honey Mustard.

80. What is your favorite food?
Depends where we are, what we are eating.

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
If I had instructions I could.

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
..yeah.

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Yes, more than once. (Just twice haha)

84. What is your usual bedtime?
Either at like 9 pm, or if I work it's about midnight.

85. What was the last book you read?
Blue Eyed Devil

86. Do you read the newspaper?
I read the USA today, and that is a newspaper so yes

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
No

90. Do you dance in the car?
I have a very specific type of car dance, actually.

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
93.3 or 102.1 - DFW, Texas

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
I'm at work, and there are no picture frames.

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
David calling about a big wreck on I-30 & 171.

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
Vanilla!

95. What is your favorite board game?
Life, or Sorry!

Where’s 96?

97. When was the last time you attended church?
A few weeks ago. I work Sundays normally, so :(

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
Ms. Morris, Ms. Diehl

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
One night. I threatened to run away the next day to the camp, and they called my dad. He came and got me. Technically, I won. That's why God built hotels anyways. Jessica does NOT camp.

100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?

 My mom, she helps out in many different ways. I love her so much! <3