Update

Google Chrome is pretty awesome, in case you didn't know. It's brilliant. :D Thank you Google! 


Another day, another dollar. 


I literally ate so much food last night, my stomach was going to explode. That's one thing I dislike about the doctor. It turns my mom into like, super mom mode. She offers up so many food suggestions, which is great - except I didn't ask. I know she cares, and is just looking out for the best of me. I can't eat everything in the house in one day. I have to spread it out! 


I weighed myself, and gained 4 pounds in 6 days. That's 4 pounds in a week! Granted I have been eating everything in site and feeling like I'm going to throw up from all the food that is settling in my stomach, but I guess that's the price you pay. 


This doctor visit has gotten me a little irked. 


Here is the quick version: 


I went to the doctor with two problems. One, my hair was falling out. B) Just needed a little pick me up on the weight gain. 


I thought the doctors visit went great. I don't have insurance, so the entire trip (plus my 5 viles of blood) was around 650 bucks. 


Now, I was aware they were going to test for things. Completely aware. He never mentioned to me what he was testing for, but I was under the impression alopecia test would be included with that. I dont know what all they tested for. All they said was my blood counts were fine, platelets were fine, and low on a few vitamins. 


Well, I went there for some sort of alopecia test. And the lovely lady yesterday says, "Well he wants you back for more testing" so I asked her the price of this testing. I don't have insurance, and it isn't available for another few months for me. 


780 bucks for this "autoimmune" test. 


Now, when I type in "Autoimmune" on Google, alopecia information comes up. 


Whoa whoa whoa,Why did we not test for this in the first place? This is the REASON I AM HERE. I'm not here to sit in your room for 45 minutes while you pick your nose outside.


I now feel like I have wasted 670 bucks, found out NO new information (I could have told all these doctor idiots that I didn't have anemia, no thyroid problems etc) and now you mean to tell me that you didn't even test for the reason I came in? 


See, this is a reason I don't have insurance in the first fucking place. 


Stupid reasons like this:


They induce my labor because "We think she weighs under 5 pounds 5 oz" and WRONG - She came out 6lbs1oz. 


I know for DAMN SURE that my next child will stay inside of me as long as possible. None of this "I think" stuff. You don't know what'd going on inside of me. Only I do. Skyleigh may not have gotten any bigger, but babies will come WHEN THEY ARE READY. 


Sometimes I think all doctors are idiots. You have no idea what is going on inside of a person's body. It's all a big guess. 


So, here I am. 


Back to square one. 


And 670 dollars down. 


Funny how life works sometimes. 


I do what everyone tells me to do, go to the doctor, etc. Andddddd nothing. 


__


I wish Friday would hurry up and get here! Payday! 

Relief

Nothing scares me the most than being on hold for a doctor whilst awaiting test results.


I can pace and smoke as many cigarettes as possible, but nothing will make time tick by faster.


I have recently been losing some of my hair, basically receding in a way. Not noticeable from "normal" glance, but if I flip my hair over you can see. I am convinced after hours of research online that I have a form of Alopecia.


Now, as I mentioned in a previous post about the weight issues, I recently went back to the doctor to find out about the hair loss. I was was nervous, actually not having been to a doctor in literally 10plus years (other than my "baby" doctor), to see what he had said. I also had lost about 10 pounds after my current "stress breaker" of moving back in with my parents/having two jobs/raising baby etc.


He never said weather my already gone hair will grow back, I hope it will. I also dont think it will.:(


It really is a sucky feeling to have your beautiful hair, your one thing that sets you apart, your security blanket falling out. Strand by strand.


And I can do nothing.


So, doctor pulls 5 vials of blood, and turns out *everyone gasp for this one* - perfectly healthy! other than coming up "low to normal" on D vitamin and Folic Acid, blood is fine. Platelet count is fine. I'm not fucking anemic. Ever. Wont ever be. So, I'm happy to report that I am not dying! 


He did ask me to come back for some more testing, to count my autoimmune numbers or something, and I know that has to do with the alopecia. (See, Google search does help!) 


He never said that I do have it, we are still trying to figure out why i am losing my hair. 

So, we wait. 


I've thought about posting pictures of my hair on here, but as a young impressionable woman in today's mean world I decided not too. 


I'm already put down because of one thing, I don't need another reason! 


I still find it amazing that I can hold test results that say nothing is wrong with me, and yet feel like something is wrong. It's a very hard feeling to explain. I can be having the best day, biggest smile, and one asshole's wrong look or comment can ruin my day. All because he or she is some judgmental asshole. 


I am in NO WAY perfect. I will be the first one to tell you I judge people. 


You mean to tell me I'm walking to my car on the way home, dark, and alone, and I'm not judging the homeless guy walking in front of me? Oh yeah, I've plotted out his attack in my head. He's already dragged me to the alley and chopped me up in my head. 


You mean to tell me two extremely obese ladies are running across the street to go to... The Cupcakery and I'm not gonna crack a smile? Come on people! 


Now, I'm not one to be like "Hey Fatties! Yogurt is next door!" because, that would be so rude. 


It's a dangerous double standard. I'm sick of it. 


Honestly, in my life, once I realized I am my own person and capable of achieving great things life got easier. I wasn't "against the world" or anything like that. (I have a little brother who seems to think the world is out to get him. He also smokes a lot of pot, so that may have something to do with it. I love my brother though, so fuck off.)


Once I got over what EVERYONE ELSE thought I was fine with who I am! Hell, I AM FINE. I am perfectly happy. 


Very disappointing in the doctor for first thing first, let's get you on antidepressants kinda attitude. 


I NEVER said I was depressed. 


Ever. 


I am not in any way depressed. 


Yeah, life is rough. I get over it. 


One of my favorite bands is Fall Out Boy. 


I can't even recall the song name, but there is a lyric that goes, "And I have to take a pill to make this town feel okay." 


I dont want to be like that! I'm happy! I smile! Yes, I have bad days.


It's just frustrating to feel perfectly normal and fine, and have an entire world telling you you are not.